up the mainstream without a paddle.

it's obviously kinda hard to ignore the "sell out / mainstream" comments... but it's much easier to laugh at it when you actually take into account what exactly happened in your lifetime.

like 99 percent of the rest of the people my age, i still do remember what it was like growing up and being part of something unique and special, or bigger than yourself. The first, and most obvious examples of this in my life were simply the social circles that were prevalent in highschool. You had your long haired metallica rocker folk, the moody black wearing NIN clique, the vintage rock / Doors fans (which i never really got)... your hiphop crews and then the whatever the hell was top40 at the time guys.

Might have expanded here and there.. but to my memory, thats what i recall.  Im pretty sure everyone, including myself had some kind of connection to at least 1 or more people in every "group"... it wasnt so segregated that you were destined to be a part of any one particular "scene" ... but at least thats how it probably looked when you were  thrown into grade 9.

Over time, mostly non-conciously observing everything, people would probably shift paradigms from one association to another simply based on who they spent the most time with really. I had a few of these phases myself... hung with the goths, bought NIN albums... had friends who were i guess what people would NOW call hipsters... so hung with them from time to time... never really 100% nailing myself down into any one scene... since i was somewhat of a loser anyway... it didnt really affect much and it didnt really take long for any one group to be able to point out that "i wasnt really all that cool anyway"

But, like 90% of everyone, i did manage to get through highschool and make a handful of friends here and there.

I definatley didnt notice it then, but i certainly notice it now... but i think the reason why we even had all that shit, was just so that we could be identified to others as being a part of something unique and cool... and it usually worked better as the number of people who were on board with the same idea was increased. But of course... there comes this point where, when too many people hop onto one thing... wait... its not longer unique... so some disbandment takes place, and life goes on.

this is all too familiar to me right now.  Wasnt it only 4 years ago i donned some mouse head, and had a small core of fun fans (none of which could pronounce my name) and i travelled here and there and did this and that...  and the message was clear "Let's take this music and shove it down mainstreams throat" ... so we all happily rode along with that didnt we, and everyone wanted more... and i was more than happy to oblige. so we all started making new friends... and more, and more.

and now, well look at us! All grown up, 1 million + fans on FB, over 4 million tickets sold throughout the world, and the ONLY way to get that done was to bring in the heavy artilery that only a major label can provide...

now im rocking out on a 2 million dollar mouse cube, stage, lighting, LED head that WE ALL paid for. It's what we wanted isnt it!?  something BIG... something cool! It's fucking crazy... Everyone wanted a show, and i didnt my damned best to give it to em, and i will continue to do so, because thats what i want to do.

I'd still hold true to the original plot.... lets take this music and shove it down mainstreams throat.  seems alot of people are on board with this huh.. wait a minute... this is us? yes. we are them now it seems.

so now that some of us are undecided on what good came of all this is... let's take a look back and see whats changed?  Nothing much.  the production of the shows have certainly ramped up... thats not a bad thing... more and more people are getting to witness this, also not a bad thing. Im sitting here struggling to find that one BAD THING that's happened during this crazy upwards rollercoaster ride... no need to help me out if you think you can manage to spot it.. because im perfectly happy with all of it... excited in fact.

"selling out" means doing something against ones moral fibre for personal gain. i challenge one person to call me out on that, just so i can laugh while they fail miserably.

i take solace in the fact that i can, at any time, re-invent myself. Just even having the small thought in the back of my mind is all the comfort i need to get through my days on tour. There is no law written that says i cant just drop everything, right now, right this second, and do whatever i please for my own personal gain. I now have reached out to so many people, which is awesome, and affected them somehow, even if its a tiny 2 hour long part of their life, that it wouldnt be worth it.

how mindblowing do you think that feels? i wish i could describe it to you... but i really can't. And i wish the world worked in such a way that EVERY artist could feel what im feeling when im standing there like a deer in the headlights in front of thousands of people, nightly. But the best i can do for now, is just express my utmost thanks for your support that got me where i am today... even through all the bullshit, the rumors, the fuckups, the politics, the major label shit... you all pulled through for me. So when im up there in front of a crowd, just try to imagine how i feel... and you've all done the best i can ask for in reciprocating the feeling in more ways than i can count.

so, we took that music and shoved it down mainstreams throat.... what was it we wanted again? This record is going to be playing on for a little while longer it seems.

im sorry, i can't seem to find the stop button.